Torn
Listening to: Bon Iver (For Emma, Forever Ago)Justin Vernon, aka Bon Iver, must have been in the exact mood I’m in now when he wrote Skinny Love. God, I cannot get enough of that song. It’s like he’s plugged directly into my emotional tumult, a more musically talented and on-key conduit for my search for inner quiet than I could ever be for myself. I have so much in my life that’s in a state of flux: career, the (hellish, horrible) move, how to build my holistic business. That on top of the usual concerns and stresses of the single mom life. I need to figure out what the hell I’m doing, and For Emma, Forever Ago is winding itself around and through the scene, and pulling me gently toward some inner peace.Honestly, I don’t know the lyrics, and can barely make out what he’s saying. It’s the feeling of the song, the intensity of it, the key (D Minor maybe) that are resonating so deeply. I want to drink Skinny Love and feel it course through my bloodstream. I want to distill Skinny Love and spray it all over myself. Though smelling like isolation and emotional pain may make me hard to be around. That’s OK though. I could use some figuring-out space. Do I choose security, stability and social interaction with adults in an office environment? Or do I stay the course and fight ever harder to stay afloat in the face of economic uncertainty, but with the thrill and challenge inherent in owning my own business, captainess of my own destiny?Huge decision, huge consequences. How do I choose working for someone else after all these years of successfully making it on my own? On the other hand, to know for sure (well, as sure as anyone can be) how much, where and when in regards to salary, healthcare coverage, vacation days… that would be So Supremely Relaxing. I really don’t know what to do. I feel like I’d be admitting defeat if I work for someone else. Is that just me being stubborn, though? Let me listen to Skinny Love again and see what The Oracle tells me.Bon Iver will be at Town Hall in December. And, naturally, he’s sold out. Probably sold out 2 minutes before the tickets went on sale. Relying on the ticket-procurement channels available to mere mortals like myself to see live shows in NYC is the worst frustration imaginable. It’s like living in the Land of Chocolate but not having a mouth. ‘Course, if that were the case I’d grind the chocolate into a powder and snort it.I’ve got a phone call with the CEO of the potential new job on Friday where we will be discussing job details, salary, etc. The move, as never-ending as the packing has been, will be over on Sunday. I’ll be in a much better space – literally and figuratively – by this time next week. I’ve got friends helping me pack and Bon Iver on the tinny laptop speakers (sorry to smack-talk ya, macbook pro). I’ve got Eau d’Skinny Love wafting around me. I feel good things coming my way.
