The Blossom Bar

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Disarmed

Listening to School of Seven Bells (Half Asleep)

I was in Stuttgart last month so my friend could get her appendix out (long story). Other than the medical emergency nature of the visit, I had a great time. Got to practice my German (Ich lieben deutsches Essen! Tschusse!) and the Germans got to practice their English (they were all pretty much fluent). I ate German food, drank German beer, walked through German villages and stole German apples from German orchards. And I shot a German cop’s German gun.

It was black (the gun, not the cop). For those of you not satisfied with that description, it was a Heckler & Koch P7 cal. 9x19. And the cop is a brunette, about 6’1 or so, maybe 180?

It terrified me (again, the gun. The cop seems quite nice, actually). I’ve always wanted to shoot a gun and imagined I’d feel so powerful and in control with one if my hand. I’d pretend to be Renee Russo in Lethal Weapon 28 – a total babe badass, a chick in charge. But no – it was kinda awful. I went into what I can only describe as shock after I fired it the first time. So loud and jarring. I felt it discharge in every cell of my body. I broke out into a flop sweat on my hands, and had to force my heart to keep beating. The cop kept asking me if I was OK. I can only imagine the stricken look on my face.

The pisser of it is that I’m a pretty good shot. I even got a few bulls eyes. I guess the fact that I had pure adrenaline flowing through my veins gave me a focus and steadiness of hand that was completely outside of my conscious capacity at the time. Complete sensory overload.

Rivaled somewhat by this next show. A couple weeks ago I caught Of Montreal at Terminal 5. I had heard through several reliable sources that past shows had involved Kevin Barnes (the lead singer) entering the stage wearing a gold thong and riding a pony. I hear at a Vegas show he performed nude. The soft-core entertainment bar for this show had been set pretty high.

While we didn’t get farm animals… actually, I take that back. We did indeed get farm animals. We got people wearing pig-heads (fake ones, I’m pretty sure) making out on a bed. We also got a couple of crucified guys using their crosses as stilts, sexy ladies in diapers writhing around on stage, what I think were Sand People from Star Wars, and lots and lots of feathers. Oh, and music. Really really really good music.

The multimedia show involved lots of trippy CG graphics and arty video shots of what was happening on stage. A few of the moments the camera captured were disturbingly, mesmerizingly beautiful. A pouty-sexy diaper-clad woman staring defiantly into the camera created a gorgeously haunting image that I can still perfectly recreate in my head almost three weeks later.

The band sounded great. They did all the songs I wanted to hear, personal highlights being Id Engager and The Past Is A Grotesque Animal. The costumes were fairly tame compared to what I’d heard had been done in the past, though I still spent most of the night memorizing ideas for Halloween costumes. The whole stage show had a retro-futuristic vibe largely due to Bryan Poole (I think?) on guitar dressed as Durand-Durand from Barbarella. He got my vote for best costume against some stiff competition.

Janelle Monae, opening act, was incredible. I’d heard a song here and there and really liked her sound. Seeing her live was inspiring. Moonwalking, painting, crowd surfing, just generally showing everyone a good time. And can she sing! The whole show was absolutely spectacular. She came out on stage for Of Montreal’s encore and did Love Hangover with the band.

I had a serious sensory hangover after that show, well into the next day. I may never shoot a gun again but I will be catching Of Montreal and Janelle Monae as many more times as I can.